a letter about patience

Patience. Being patient is not one of my strong points....and I think this is a trend in the world today. We can send a text, snapchat, email, pretty much anything in seconds and get a response in seconds. We are trained to expect things NOW. Exactly when we want them. We can go order food at a fast food place and get it within minutes. Patience is not exactly expected anymore, because we all can get what we want, when we want it...which is almost always immediately.

What even is patience? Preach My Gospel (a manual put out by the LDS church for their missionaries) says it best,

"Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God’s will and accept His timing. When you are patient, you hold up under pressure and are able to face adversity calmly and hopefully. (Preach My Gospel, Chapter 6)

Wow. The ability to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering WITHOUT becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. I think this very rarely describes me....whenever I have trouble, opposition or suffering...my immediate response is usually frustration. Then overthinking. Then frustration again that I can't just get the answer I want or the thing I want when I've worked so hard for it.

While I was serving a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I worked on improving myself every week...trying to become more like Jesus Christ. The quality I almost ALWAYS focused on was, you guessed it, patience.

Since coming home from my mission, I have been back and forth about a lot of things in my life. Thankfully...I finally figured out what to do for school. YAY. But with all the questions and concerns I have in my life...I've just been wanting answers now. Right away. Exactly after I ask the questions...and I haven't been getting answers. I haven't gotten clear answers or the things I felt I needed right away.

Something I've been trying to learn lately is the skill of being actively patient (thanks to someone in church who talked about this). I have been struggling to keep doing the right things when I don't get an answer. And really struggling to keep doing the right things with the right attitude, without becoming angry or frustrated.

I've made a deal with myself to trust more. To not get frustrated when I can't see whats coming. To just wait...and be patient. Even though its honestly the hardest thing in the world for me. I wish I could knows God's plan and see what is coming....but I can't. But I do have faith and trust that what is ahead of me is far greater than what I have left behind. Its ok to not understand...but we have to be patient until the day that we finally do understand.