a letter about fear
fear
ˈfir/
noun
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
I've been thinking a lot about fear this week...and the impact it has on me.
I have a lot of fears. Some irrational, some real. I'll list a couple...not in any particular order but just a few.
1. spiders. Who even likes those creepy things? like EW.
2. Things hiding in my backyard between my house and our garage.
3. failure
4. falling from somewhere high. Not heights...just the falling from heights.
5. disappointing those I love
I feel like these are all real fears...well...sort of. I mean...spiders are terrifying and could probably eat me, you know?
But some of these fears, even if they are ridiculous, are scary to me. And I just want to talk about my fear of failure. I am terrified of failure because...I want to be perfect. But who on earth is perfect? No one is, nor ever was besides our Saviour, Jesus Christ.
I think my fear of failure is something that has held me back in life. I was reading a BYU Speech entitled "Waiting Upon the Lord: The Antidote to Uncertainty" and in it there was a quote that I LOVED.
"When I am living in fear, I find change and changing—for the better, at least—almost impossible.
What is the source of fear?
I think it is rooted in the assumption . . . that I must solve all my problems and face all my challenges alone, using my own resources. That is frightening, because deep in my heart I know how limited those resources are. . . . Knowing that I am not capable of changing myself or my circumstances for the better, I stand frozen in fear."
- Gregory Clark
I often want to solve all my problems and do everything by myself....and...the fear comes because I KNOW I am not perfect. I know I cannot be perfect. And so therefore...I know I will fail sometimes. And that knowing, that fear, holds me back.
I learned a lot on my mission that failure happens ALL THE TIME. And its ok. It helps us to learn and grow and become better so we don't fail in the same way next time. Every failure just helps us get closer to becoming perfect, as weird as that is.
Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, said, “Don’t let your fears overwhelm your desire. Let the barriers you face—and there will be barriers—be external, not internal. Fortune does favor the bold, and I promise that you will never know what you’re capable of unless you try.”
I love that. "You will never know what you are capable of unless you try." My fear of failure has held me back from trying a LOT of things....and I regret that. While I was on my mission, I learned to overcome this fear (a bit...still not perfect obviously or I wouldn't be writing about this). I learned that even when you fail, you learn. And you will never have the regret of not trying.
So I've decided I am just going to get out there...and overcome my fears. Maybe I'll catch a spider, go cliff jumping, and do something that scares me because I don't want to fail. Why not? The worst thing that happens (besides getting eaten by a spider) is that I fail and learn something. And I am excited to learn and become better.
